parents

Parents Set The Example

Parents need to set the example for their children. It should not be, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Children reject and resent this type of raising. They see it for what it is, hypocrisy, and tend to turn against other authority figures as a result.

Examples are powerful.

“The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him” (Prov. 20:7). They follow what they see, especially at younger ages (cf. Eze. 16:44). The little boy will want to dress like his dad and do the work his father does. The princess wants to wear makeup like mommy and mimics her around the house. Any parent with older children knows this is so and sometimes frightening or embarrassing.

You must be what you want them to be.

Do you want your children to be faithful and active in church? Then you must attend, making it a priority in your life (Heb. 10:24, 25). If you are not going regularly or using flimsy excuses not to go, they will get the message—church is not that important. Go if you do not feel like it emotionally. Maybe you are in a bad mood. Go and your mood will change. The children will pick up on this and realize worship of God lifts the soul and spirit. Push yourself when you do not feel well physically. If the aches and pains or fatigue do not keep you from work and other matters of life, then they should not keep you from church. Your children will pick up your habits.

Be a moral and caring person (Gal. 6:7-10). You will reap what you sow. Do your children see you studying the Bible? Take them to see someone who needs encouragement. Get them involved in writing cards to the sick and shut-in. Let your children request prayers for things that concern them, get them to give you names of those they want to pray for—let them say a prayer (warning: you may be there a while). Your children need to see what takes priority, worldly matters or spiritual ones. The sooner your impress them with the importance of serving God, the deeper and more lasting it will be in their hearts and minds.

Paul told men to provide for their families (1 Tim. 5:8). He instructed women to take care of the home, but be homemakers (Titus 2:5). Little boys and girls need to see this in their parents. What concept of the roles of husbands/fathers and wives/mothers are your children witnessing day to day? Do they see their father laboring to put food on the table and a shelter over their heads? Or, is their father more interested in hobbies? Do the children see their mother making a comfortable, inviting home or do they see a self-absorbed woman who wants to be pampered? Many marriages have been ruined years before they were contracted because of the warped view the couple learned growing up.

By the way, the son will often look for a wife that is like his mother, and the daughter for a husband like her father. Would you want them marrying someone like you?

So, what kind of example are you setting? Would you want your children, son or daughter, to be like you? If not, then you need to make some changes—NOW!

Learning From Bible Families

One of the wonderful things about the Bible is its brutal honesty. It is candid in its revelation and evaluation of both villains and heroes. Even the greatest servants of God are not spared; their faults are put on display for all to see. We can learn from them.

Isaac’s Family

When you read Genesis 27 you get a picture of a dysfunctional family. Isaac favors Esau while Rebekah favors Jacob. In this favoritism there is competition, not the fun, light-hearted kind, but competition that leads to serious consequences. In the effort to secure the birth-right blessing, Jacob and his mother engage in subterfuge; they deceive Isaac and create strife. Esau was so angry he determined to kill Jacob. So, Rebekah had her son sent far away for his life’s sake. It is not until many years later that the brothers are reconciled.

Ever know a family like this? Does it sound like yours? It is heartbreaking and almost unbearable to be in a situation like this. Let us learn from their poor example and avoid such hostilities.

Jacob’s Sons

Yes, Jacob learned from his raising. He favored Joseph over all other sons (Gen. 37). Envy sprouted up among the ten brothers and they determined to get rid of Joseph. At first they thought to kill him, then decided to sell him into slavery. After having done this, to cover it up, they deceived their father into thinking a wild beast had eaten his favorite son. So it remained for 13 years.

Favoritism can cause deep-seated emotions in children. It can push them to hate the favored one. The parents bear the responsibility in this while the children are young. When they grow older they must learn to deal with their feelings and submit to God’s will, getting rid of all envy, bitterness, and hatred. Do not be a parent that puts this on your child.

David’s Family

David’s family was troubled from the moment he committed adultery with Bathsheba (2 Sam. 11, 12). He allowed his passion run away, sowing the seed of turmoil for years to come.

His son Amnon raped his daughter (Amnon’s half-sister), Tamar (2 Sam. 13:1-18). Do you suppose this was wholly disconnected to David’s transgression? Amnon paid for it with his life two years later (2 Sam. 13:21-29). This hit David hard, as it would any man (2 Sam. 13:30-33).

When Absalom returned from exile he attempted to overthrown his father (2 Sam. 15). David had to run for his life. Later, when David organized a counter attack, Absalom was killed (2 Sam. 18).

Grief, pain, tremendous heartache is what David received for his adultery.

Sin in your family can do the same thing. It can destroy your life, taking your children away from you and destroying their lives. You may survive, but they may not; a terrible burden to bear.

Hannah and Samuel

Hannah longed for a child and was finally blessed with Samuel (1 Sam. 1). She loved him and dedicated him to the Lord (1 Sam. 1:24-28). He was a godly man, going on to be perhaps the greatest judge Israel ever had. He served the Lord faithfully for years; doing great service in spite of the rebellious people (1 Sam. 8). He was privileged to anoint both Saul and David. He did not back down from Saul when he failed to obey God (1 Sam. 13, 15). A man among men; a true prophet of God.

Would to God that all of us had mothers like Hannah and sons like Samuel. Let us determine to dedicate our children to God, raising them in truth and righteousness for their soul’s sake.

Ahaz and Hezekiah

Ahaz was a wicked ruler in Judah (2 Kgs. 16:1-4). His influence lasted for 16 years in the land. Then his son, Hezekiah, took his place. He was a righteous man (2 Kgs. 18:1-7). Hezekiah goes down in Bible history as one of the greatest kings ever. He rid the land of idolatry, put his faith in God when the enemy threatened and when his life was at an end (2 Kgs. 18:17-37; 19:1-19, 35-37; 20:1-6). He overcame his father’s failures.

If we were raised in a home of iniquity, we too can get beyond it. It may be difficult, but we can do all things through Christ (Phil. 4:13). The way to do this is the way Hezekiah did it; putting our faith in God, not man. He will give us the strength to overcome and be a better person.

How Is Your Family?

Is your family more like the bad examples or the good ones? If we determine to do better, we can. Seek the Lord’s wisdom in His Word. It is right and will not lead you wrong. It will help you improve your family to have a more satisfying life.

The Shame of Failing Parents

Sadly, some parents fail to do what God has charged them to do.

Fathers

Fathers fail when they do not lead in the home. When a father’s interest is more focused on himself and worldly pursuits, he has neglected his duty to be a spiritual leader as God would have it.

Overbearing or uncaring fathers are a disgrace. In the name of “I am the authority here” and “discipline” some fathers act as dictators. It is a perversion of God’s will and drives children away from the home and, often, the Lord.

When a man will not provide for his family, he is undermining the home. He is worse than an infidel and does not personally deserve to eat (1 Tim. 5:8; 2 Thes. 3:10). Frequently the children see this and either think that is how it is supposed to be (which is bad) or are bitter toward authority. It stays with them into adulthood.

Mothers

Mothers fail when they try to dominate and control the family. Instead of submitting to God by submitting to her husband’s lead, she puts her foot down (Eph. 5:22-24). Both sons and daughters become confused about God-give roles in marriage and the family. The cycle often continues through more than one generation.

Lazy mothers have a terrible impact on the home. The husband often does not want to come home to a messy house that is cluttered. The children become slobs and a menace to others later in life.

Women who resent the role God has bestowed on them as a mother or homemaker are a shame as well. It is a privilege to be in this position. It is a woman’s sphere of influence and glory (1 Tim. 2:15; Titus 2:3-5). She ought to embrace it, while rejecting society’s perverted standards.

How Is Your Home?

Are you failing as a father or mother? Do you see room for improvement? If we are honest with ourselves, we can all improve.

Spend time in the Word reading and meditating on the responsibilities God has given you. Some great passages to dwell on are Ephesians 5:22-33, 1 Peter 3:1-7, and Psalm 127.

Seek out advice from older Christians who you know have been successful in the home. Also go to those who have made mistakes and ask them what not to do (be careful with this one and make sure they are willing to talk about it). Great wisdom can be gleaned from those who have traveled this path before.

Finally, spend much time in prayer. Ask God’s guidance and wisdom in how to be a better husband or wife or parent. Pray that you will see your faults and have the determination and courage to face and fix them. You can do it with God’s help (Jas. 1:2-5).

Better Parents, Better Children

Training

Parents have an obligation to train their children. The Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). This is not an iron-clad guarantee. It is not set in concrete. The Proverbs are truisms for the most part. They state a general rule or obvious point; profound but simple. Some children stray regardless of the best raising.

If you train your child, though, there is a much greater likelihood that he or she will turn out good. They may stumble and fall along the way, but when they mature and come to realize the truth you taught them, the practical and valuable wisdom you passed on, they will do what’s right. If you do not train them, they will stand little chance. The world will step in and train them for you.

Fathers are especially charged with training their children in the ways of the Lord. “And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). Not only are fathers supposed to raise them to be good, hard working, upstanding citizens, but they are also to instill religious principles in them. Teach your children to respect God. Show them how to pray. Instruct them in Bible study. Etch the truth on their brains.

Discipline

Training a child includes discipline. There is exhortation and instruction on one hand, and rebuke and upbraiding on the other. The Bible endorses neither emotional nor physical abuse. Such is sin. What it does endorse is loving, caring discipline to shape and mold the character of a child.

“The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother” (Prov. 29:15).

“He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Prov. 13:24).

Such training benefits both the child and the parents. The sooner parents begin training, the better. If a child is not brought under control, given boundaries that are enforced, at a very young age–before 2 or 3–it will be very difficult to train them at all.

Parents set down rules from love, though children may not fully understand this. The Lord chastens those He loves, and expects the same from parents (Heb. 12:5-11). No discipline means no love. It will help engender respect for authority that will go beyond the home.

It is worth noting that parents are the ones to judge the time, place, and appropriateness of the discipline. It is not the government’s job, nor the school system. They have no right of interference.

Grandparents, aunts, uncles, older siblings, and others should not be saddled with main responsibility of training the children. Yes, these may on a temporary basis be in charge of the care of a child, but it should not be so too frequently. God gave children to parents, not grandparents. Too many children are being raised by someone other than the parents and it is tragic. It is tragic for the children that their parents are not around. The same is true for the parents.

Proper discipline of a child will produce righteousness. “Blow that hurt cleanse away evil, as do stripes the inner depths of the heart” (Prov. 20:30). “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (Prov. 22:15).

A tender heart and firm hand are what children need. If parents will be the kind of parents they ought to be, children will be the kind of children they ought to be–and we will all benefit.

Better Parents, Better Children Part 1

Better families do not come from society. Television, movies, magazines, and Oprah do not have the answers we need. Families need to turn to the Word of God to improve. It is inspired of God, the One who made the family (2 Tim. 3:16, 17). The Bible has truth for all areas of our life (2 Pet. 1:3).

Parents Need To Teach Their Children

What

They need to teach the Word of God. Moses’ admonition will serve us well. He said,

And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deut. 6:6-9).

We need to constantly teach them the principles of truth and righteousness. The devil does not let up and neither should we. Teach them when doing chores around the house and while driving in the car. Take advantage of opportunities the come up when watching TV or a movie. Instruct them at the mall while shopping or when at the ball field. Do not assume they get the point, make it clear.

Who

Fathers are given the charge to teach their children (Eph. 6:4). If there is a failure in the home on learning the Word, it falls directly on the father’s shoulders. It is his duty and he must fulfill it. Fathers, be a leader.

Mothers, too, can play a role. They will have opportunities the father will not. She needs to give time and attention to instilling biblical values in her children. Mothers need to teach their sons just as Timothy’s mother and grandmother taught him (2 Tim. 1:5; 3:15). Older women are supposed to teach the younger women (Titus 2:3-5). Does this not include mothers teaching daughters?

Why

Our children must be taught so they know the Lord. When they do not know the Lord, their world will be a miserable one where chaos rules (Jud. 2:10). Specifically, the gospel is God’s power unto salvation (Rom. 1:16). If they do not know it, they will not know the love of God and Christ. They will not have the hope of heaven and the fear of hell in their hearts. The very purpose of their existence will elude them (Ecc. 12:13, 14). Their souls will be lost.

7 Tips To Raising Good Children

1. Love them with all your heart (Titus 2:4).

The love you have for your child will make an incalculable impact on his or her life. It will help your child develop the proper sense of self worth. They will carry it with them even when you make a mistake or they do. Without true love for your child, he or she will be handicap in life. It will be harder for them to love others; to have a proper relationship with others. It will also give them a distorted view of God since our love is based on His.

2. Teach them God’s Word (Deut. 6:6-9).

The surest way to raise a good child is to teach them the Good Book. Even from the womb babies ought to be taught the Bible; it is a habit to form early on. As they grow the lessons and material can be adjusted to suit their needs. If parents wait until their children are 10, 12, 0r 14, it is way too late. In fact, from my observations and what others tell me, if you wait much beyond the first year or two a great deal is lost that may never be recovered.

3. Discipline them properly (Prov. 13:24).

No one likes a brat, unless it is their own. And, even it is their own, there is much grief. The Bible teaches parents to discipline their children. This would include “positive” discipline that does teaching and gives rewards for good behavior. Most parents do not have a problem with this. Where the difficulty comes is giving “negative” discipline. This may be taking away privileges or spanking (not beating). A father that loves his child will chasten him to develop him into a good person (Heb. 12:5-11).

4. Take them to church (Psa. 122:1).

Going to church consistently teaches the children it is a priority in life. It exposes them to the best people in the world, Christians. They can see that others are striving to live for God; others who have troubles but press on; others who are not all that different from them. Bible classes and worship assemblies gives opportunities for them to learn more about God’s Word. Some parents start out doing this, but when the children resist stop saying to force them to go to church will only make it that much worse. Is that how they treat giving them or making them take a bath?

5. Regulate their friends (Prov. 13:20).

The companions our children spend time with will have a great impact on their life. Their attitude, outlook, personality, language, dress, hopes, dreams, and more can all be affected by their friends. It is a God-given duty for parents to keep a close eye on such things. Children may see it as intrusive, especially in the teenage years, but it is necessary. Secretly, some will be thankful, while others may look back years later and see the value of such oversight.

6. Dress them appropriately (Prov. 7:10).

Like it or not, clothing sends a message. Our appearance can say put-together, clean-cut, business-like, laid-back, smooth-talker, self-centered, and many other things. Parents who love their children want the clothing they wear to send the right message to their peers and adults. No mother or father should dress their daughter like a prostitute (again, Prov. 7:10). They should not allow their son to walk around looking like a hip-hop “artist” who cannot keep his pants up without holding them (you know what I mean). Rather, we ought to dress our children to send the message of self-respect, decent, and modest. This will help establish a mindset and, hopefully, a life-long habit.

7. Get them involved in good works (Titus 2:14).

Children need to see the importance of doing good. They will learn to appreciate what they have as you help the less fortunate. They will see you fulfilling God’s command to love your neighbor (Lk. 10:25-37). It will develop a heart of compassion and help them understand God’s care for us. This should also include kindness toward your parents. As you children grow and see this being done, it will stick with them when they are older…and you are too. In other words, in later years you can reap the benefits of raising good children.