wife

Does It Hurt To Look?

Some men don’t care if their wives “look” at other men and make comments about how they turn them on; just don’t touch. A wife may not object to her husband “looking” at other women, even if he is openly lusting for them, so long as he does not touch them. In fact, it is not uncommon for a wife to tolerate her husband looking at pornography on the Internet, or going to strip clubs with the guys. She tells herself, “At least he is just looking.” The mentality of “look, but don’t touch” is contrary to the Bible.

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Adultery Destroys Lives

Tiger Woods is just the latest high-profile person to be exposed as an adulterer. Senator Max Baucus is another. Woods gets more attention because he is better known and because of so many women being connected to him. Whether it is one or over a dozen, adultery is the same: it destroys lives.

King David took Uriah’s wife, Bathsheba (2 Sam. 11). When it was discovered she was pregnant, the king attempted to cover it up. He tried to get Uriah to sleep with his wife so everyone would think the child was his. When that didn’t work, David got him drunk and tried it again. When that didn’t work, he had Uriah killed. After this, David took Bathsheba as his wife so everything would seemingly be okay. But, it was not to be.

God exposed David as an adulterer through Nathan (2 Sam. 12:1-15). He did not deny his sin, but readily confessed it and sought God’s mercy. Of course, it was granted. However, forgiveness did not remove the consequences. David’s son by Bathsheba died (2 Sam. 12:15-23). Too, David’s household was filled with trouble from then on (2 Sam. 12:10-12). No doubt, the king wished he had never gazed on the woman on the rooftop.

Whether it is king David, Woods, or Baucus, adultery destroys lives. It affects those who commit the act. It also impacts the innocent around them. Uriah was perfectly innocent. Wood’s wife and children are going through extremely difficult times now and will never completely heal. Baucus’ wife is humiliated and terribly hurt.

Adultery has a monetary impact as well. The wise man said, “Remove your way far from her [an immoral woman]…Lest aliens be filled with your wealth, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner” (Prov. 5:8, 10). In the case of Woods you can also see a definite economic catastrophe with all the brands he is connected to being tarnished to some degree; if nothing else losing the ability to use Woods to promote their products. Whenever adultery takes place, there is a material consequence. Whether it is due to paying for gifts and rooms for the adultery, loss of work due to mental stress, or a divided household with two sets of bills. You can think of many more.

The worst thing is the damage adultery does to souls. An adulterer cannot go to heaven (Gal. 5:19-21; 1 Cor. 6:9, 10). Those impacted by the sin can become bitter toward God and His ways. Instead of blaming the devil for the consequences and pain, some attack God. Children can lose all respect for authority because one of the parents has completely destroyed trust and respect for the main authority figure in their life. In some cases, the children follow their parent’s footsteps into a life of sexual immorality as either an attempt to numb the pain or because they think it is normal behavior. However you look at it, adultery destroys souls.

There is one way the Bible gives us to deal with sexual immorality, adultery included: RUN! Joseph did (Gen. 39:11-13). The Holy Spirit commanded it (1 Cor. 6:18). So, when you are tempted by Satan to lust after another, remember adultery destroys lives.

9 Things You Need To Know About Your Marriage

You can probably add to the following list regarding marriage. It is not intended to be exhaustive, but just to get you thinking. If you have some good ones to add, please email me.

1. Your marriage must be lawful. The Bible teaches there are basically three categories of people who have the right to marry: those who have never been married, those whose spouse has died, and those who put away a mate for the cause of fornication (Gen. 2:24; Rom. 7:1-3; Matt. 19:9). Those who fall under a different heading do not have the right to be married. If you divorced for a reason other than fornication or were put away for fornication, the Lord does not give you a right to be married. And, of course, marriage is between one man and one woman (1 Cor. 7:2).

2. Your marriage ought to be the highest-priority relationship on earth. Among our relationships with other people, marriage is second-to-none. A man is to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife (Matt. 19:5). His prior relationships take a distant second to the new one with his mate; mother, father, brother, sister, best friend, etc. If the couple is blessed with children, their relationship still needs to be the priority. Many homes are wrecked because one or both spouses put the marriage behind mom and dad, the children, or someone else.

3. Your covenant with your spouse is secondary to your covenant with God. While husbands and wives should put each other first, above others, they cannot dislodge God from His place. The Bible teaches that a woman is to submit to her husband “as is fitting in the Lord” (Col. 3:18). In other words, if the husband wants the wife to commit sin, she has no obligation to submit; even if it leads to the breakup of the marriage (1 Cor. 7:12-16). If the husband wants to wife to watch pornography, buy beer for him, lie to his boss, or skip church for a day at the lake, she must stand her ground and remain faithful to the Lord. The same goes for the husband whose wife tries to lead him astray. The Lord first, everyone else second.

4. You must fulfill your marital duties. Yes, this includes sex (1 Cor. 7:1-5). However, there is much more. The wife is to love and submit to her husband (Titus 2:4; Eph. 5:22-24). She is to behave herself in such a way to show respect for her husband and the Lord (1 Pet. 3:1-6). Her speech, dress, public behavior, and submissive attitude will comfort her husband and allow him to trust her. The husband is to love, cherish, and nourish his wife (Eph. 5:25-33). He is obligated to treat her like a fine piece of china (1 Pet. 3:7). As the husband seeks to fulfill his wife’s needs, emotional, physical, spiritual, he will endear himself to her. She will cling to him in love. The one who fails to fulfill his or her duties is in sin and needs to repent immediately.

5. You must raise your children in the Lord. The couple who love their children and the Lord will raise them in the “nurture and training of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). The parents will see to it that their children attend Bible classes and worship services. They will ensure the children’s lessons are ready. Dads and moms will take time to study the Bible with their children as well as pray with them. Loving disciple needs to be applied when appropriate (Prov. 13:24; cf. Heb. 12:5-11). And, it goes without saying, the proper example must be set.

6. Your marriage will be happiest if both of you are dedicated Christians. If one spouse is a Christian and the other is not, then they have different priorities and goals in life. If both are Christians, but one is nominal at best, that one will be a drag or dead weight in the marriage. It is only when the husband and wife are fully committed to the Lord that the marriage will reach its full potential. Such people will have the same standard, values, and goals. Their standard will be God’s word. Their values will be those of the New Testament; clean, pure, moral. Their goals will be to honor God in this life, help save others, and get to heaven in the end. To have another helping and encouraging you in this will afford you great happiness.

7. Your marriage needs patience and longsuffering. Even when both spouses are dedicated Christians, the marriage will have its ups and downs. After all, we are people; and where there are people there are problems. We all know some big things come up in the relationship. Where to live, to take this job and move or stay put, move in with mom and dad a while or stick it out, home school the children or send them to public school. There are also little things, which often turn into something big. Fights and arguments can break out over the toothpaste lid being left off, the toilet seat left up, the TV being too loud, that clicking noise he makes when he chews (it was cute before the wedding), and a million others. Anyone who is married will testify to the truth of this. In marriage, though, there is supposed to be love, and love is patient (1 Cor. 13:1-8). Faults must be overlooked. Missteps forgiven. Compassion bestowed. Isn’t that what you want for yourself? So, give it to your spouse.

8. Your marriage will not survive this life. Jesus told the Sadducees that in heaven men are like the angels who “neither marry nor are given in marriage” (Matt. 22:30). Earthly, temporal relationships are dissolved; heavenly, eternal ones will be enjoyed. Does this help answer the question that if a spouse is not in heaven will we be sad? It seems the Lord’s teaching points to us not being affected by this. How can that be? How can God be manifest in the flesh? There are some thing we just need to leave up to God (cf. 1 Cor. 15:35-49).

9. Your marriage can be one of the greatest blessings or greatest curses of your life. If you put all of the above together, it is apparent that marriage has a profound impact on us. It will either help us and our children be better people or it will burden us with tremendous problems. Our marriage will have a significant impact on our eternal destiny (1 Pet. 3:7). First, it matters whether or not we are lawfully married. If not, we are guilty of adultery and will lose our soul. Too, our spouse will either help us get to heaven or hinder us in that desire and goal. It is important, therefore, to do all we can to help our mate be a strong Christian so he or she can in turn help us. Likewise, we need to teach our children the importance of making a wise choice in a life-long mate.

Biblical Love In The Marriage

The greatest commandment, according to Jesus, is to love God. The second is to love your neighbor (Matt. 22:37-39). The latter cannot be any more applicable than in the family, and especially for the husband and wife. The husband is to love his wife (Eph. 5:25). The wife is to love her husband (Titus 2:4). This is appropriate for those who are supposed to spend their lives with one another.

When we look at the principles of love in the Bible, we realize they can be transferred to a marriage. If this is done, then the relationship will improve and become sweeter as time goes by. The couple can rest assured that the other will be there for them, during good times and bad.

Consider the following biblical principles of love in light of the marriage relationship.

“A friend loves at all times” (Prov. 17:17). The husband and wife will not be wishy-washy in their love for one another. As friends, the closest friends, they will love one another when things are going well and when disaster strikes—or when everything is “humdrum.”

“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other…” (Matt. 6:24). The love of the husband and wife will be singular. There will be no room for another. A wandering eye and straying affections undercut a healthy relationship and will eventually bring it down. In marriage, there is room for only one true love.

“But I say to you who hear; Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you…” (Lk. 6:27-35). Read the entire section. No, we are not equating spouses as enemies. Rather, the principle of these verses. Love will be forgiving, giving, patient, and unconditional. There are rough times in all marriages. If we are commanded to love our enemies and those who mistreat us, then can we not also love a mate who is a blessing from God?

Who is a true neighbor? “He who [shows] mercy…” (Lk. 10:25-37). Jesus taught that loving our neighbor is essential. He illustrated true love of neighbor by the parable of the Good Samaritan. He helped one in need. Husbands and wives will be charitable to one another. They will help each other in times of sickness as well as when going through struggles. A husband unmoved by the hardship of his wife is unfit and needs to repent.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son” (Jn. 3:16). Love is sacrificial. The husband will need to sacrifice of his time and material desires to meet the needs and desires of his wife. This may require him to give up the big game or his annual hunting trip. A wife will sacrifice as well. She might give up those new curtains in order that her husband can get that set of books he has been eyeing (preachers send a note of thanks to steven at deatonmedia dot com).

“Owe no one anything except to love one another… ‘You shall not commit adultery’…” (Rom. 13:8-10). Love in the marriage will refrain from sin and harming the other. It goes without saying that adultery does untold damage to a marriage. Love will prevent the husband or wife from sinning in this way. It is only when love for self exceeds love for your spouse that such a sin could be committed.

“Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love” (Rom. 14:15). The husband and wife will not do that which is destructive to the other. The action may be innocent enough in-and-of itself, but trouble the other because of a bad experience or some irrational fear. To prey on this is sinful. The “quirks” of spouses need to be respected. For instance, if the wife has a great fear of flying, the husband should not push her into it.

“Love edifies” (1 Cor. 8:1). Husbands and wives should work to build one another up. This is true in spiritual and non-spiritual matters. They should praise the other for their looks, intelligence, wisdom, patience—whatever is true and appropriate. Give a kind comment about any improvement, whether adding something positive to his or her character or eliminating a destructive trait or habit. Couples especially need to edify one another in the faith. Husbands and wives have a duty and self-interest in helping the other get to heaven. The benefits are far-reaching and long-lasting.

Finally, notice three other passages that discuss love: Galatians 2:20; Ephesians 5:2, 25. They all deal with the fact that love is sacrificial. Emphasis is given in Ephesians 5:25 that a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. His love, as the other passages show, was sacrificial. He gave His life for the church. He put its interest above His own. Husbands and wives are to do this. Hence, the underlying foundation of love is elevating the needs and desires of the other above your own.

If husbands and wives will follow the biblical principles of love, their marriages will be a tremendous blessing to them. As they put their faith in Christ and dwell together, they will be well equipped to overcome any trial. Too, their hope for heaven will grow as the days go by.

Marriage: Better With Love

Paul describes love as active, not passive (1 Cor. 13:4-8). His description is extensive and helpful. It is written in the context of brethren dealing with one another, but is surely applicable to the relationship of husband and wife. Consider the following in light of the marriage.

Suffers long. Patience exercised by both the husband and wife. Each needs to grow and give opportunity for the other to grow. Both will make mistakes and even do things out of spite at times. Longsuffering will help build a solid relationship.

Kind. Each spouse will be gracious and considerate. The husband will not pick on his wife for her weaknesses, but rather work to compensate for them; hiding them from others when possible.

Does not envy. Spouse ought not to be jealous of each other or discontent about the other’s success. The wife should not resent her husband as he leaves the home everyday to go to work. The husband will not feel ill toward his wife who gets to remain at home and watch the children grow, having those special moments.

Does not parade itself, is not puffed up. Marriage partners will not be arrogant and conceited. The PhD wife will not look down on the high-school graduate husband. The head will not belittle the body, acting as a know-it-all dictator. In short, no superiority complex.

Does not behave rudely. Husbands and wives with love in the marriage will not be unmannerly, discourteous, impolite, or vulgar toward one another. The husband will respect the wife’s sensibilities and not unduly harass her with his childish behavior. A wife will conduct herself in a courteous manner in public and private.

Does not seek its own. This gets to the heart of most marriage problems; selfishness. Each is vying for supremacy in the relationship, thinking of self instead of the other. This is not an action of love, but of self-centeredness.

Is not provoked. Love in the marriage will bring an even-handedness. The husband will not be temperamental and hot-headed. The wife will not wear her feelings on her sleeve. Rather, each will control their passions as they deal with difficult situations, even ones that tend to upset them.

Thinks no evil. Spouses will not dwell on the wrongs committed against them. They will not assign dubious motives to the other’s actions and words. There will be no brooding over slights, intended or unintended.

Does not rejoice in iniquity. A husband cannot be gleeful about his wife’s sins. The wife ought not find joy in her husband’s moral failings. Too, neither will draw undue attention to each other’s iniquities. This includes during an argument, but especially in the presence of others. It will do untold damage to the marriage relationship and embarrass all present.

Rejoiced in truth. Husbands and wives will be happy about the faithfulness of their mate. They will appreciate a godly spouse who encourages them in righteousness and is helping them get to heaven. This is true even when controversy and persecution arise.

Bears all things. There are difficulties we must all face in life; hardships and heartaches. Some of these are unavoidable, others are not. Even when the thoughtless or careless action of a spouse brings trials, the other will bear with it. Spouses are in life as one unit, not two.

Believes all things. The marriage is helped greatly when each spouse has confidence in the other. There is no idle suspicion, mistrust, and doubt. Faith is put in the other that love and fidelity is mutual, that each has the best interest of the other at heart, unless there is some compelling reason to think otherwise.

Hopes all things. Wives and husbands will anticipate good. They will think the best and look forward to it. When having to deal with a sticky issue, they will expect a reasonable discussion and pleasing outcome. Hope for the best in the one you love.

Endures all things. This is similar to bearing all things, but points more toward circumstances in life. There will be requirements of each spouse, unique to them and the role God has assigned them. In these roles, the husband and wife will endure; minimize the complaining and wishing for escape from rightful duties.

Never fails. True love survives the good and bad. When both the husband and wife love each other as God commands, any trial or difficulty can be conquered. The relationship will grow deeper and more beautiful as the years go by. Old age will be more pleasant and profitable as they remain companions up to the point of death.

Parents Set The Example

Parents need to set the example for their children. It should not be, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Children reject and resent this type of raising. They see it for what it is, hypocrisy, and tend to turn against other authority figures as a result.

Examples are powerful.

“The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him” (Prov. 20:7). They follow what they see, especially at younger ages (cf. Eze. 16:44). The little boy will want to dress like his dad and do the work his father does. The princess wants to wear makeup like mommy and mimics her around the house. Any parent with older children knows this is so and sometimes frightening or embarrassing.

You must be what you want them to be.

Do you want your children to be faithful and active in church? Then you must attend, making it a priority in your life (Heb. 10:24, 25). If you are not going regularly or using flimsy excuses not to go, they will get the message—church is not that important. Go if you do not feel like it emotionally. Maybe you are in a bad mood. Go and your mood will change. The children will pick up on this and realize worship of God lifts the soul and spirit. Push yourself when you do not feel well physically. If the aches and pains or fatigue do not keep you from work and other matters of life, then they should not keep you from church. Your children will pick up your habits.

Be a moral and caring person (Gal. 6:7-10). You will reap what you sow. Do your children see you studying the Bible? Take them to see someone who needs encouragement. Get them involved in writing cards to the sick and shut-in. Let your children request prayers for things that concern them, get them to give you names of those they want to pray for—let them say a prayer (warning: you may be there a while). Your children need to see what takes priority, worldly matters or spiritual ones. The sooner your impress them with the importance of serving God, the deeper and more lasting it will be in their hearts and minds.

Paul told men to provide for their families (1 Tim. 5:8). He instructed women to take care of the home, but be homemakers (Titus 2:5). Little boys and girls need to see this in their parents. What concept of the roles of husbands/fathers and wives/mothers are your children witnessing day to day? Do they see their father laboring to put food on the table and a shelter over their heads? Or, is their father more interested in hobbies? Do the children see their mother making a comfortable, inviting home or do they see a self-absorbed woman who wants to be pampered? Many marriages have been ruined years before they were contracted because of the warped view the couple learned growing up.

By the way, the son will often look for a wife that is like his mother, and the daughter for a husband like her father. Would you want them marrying someone like you?

So, what kind of example are you setting? Would you want your children, son or daughter, to be like you? If not, then you need to make some changes—NOW!

Learning From Bible Families

One of the wonderful things about the Bible is its brutal honesty. It is candid in its revelation and evaluation of both villains and heroes. Even the greatest servants of God are not spared; their faults are put on display for all to see. We can learn from them.

Isaac’s Family

When you read Genesis 27 you get a picture of a dysfunctional family. Isaac favors Esau while Rebekah favors Jacob. In this favoritism there is competition, not the fun, light-hearted kind, but competition that leads to serious consequences. In the effort to secure the birth-right blessing, Jacob and his mother engage in subterfuge; they deceive Isaac and create strife. Esau was so angry he determined to kill Jacob. So, Rebekah had her son sent far away for his life’s sake. It is not until many years later that the brothers are reconciled.

Ever know a family like this? Does it sound like yours? It is heartbreaking and almost unbearable to be in a situation like this. Let us learn from their poor example and avoid such hostilities.

Jacob’s Sons

Yes, Jacob learned from his raising. He favored Joseph over all other sons (Gen. 37). Envy sprouted up among the ten brothers and they determined to get rid of Joseph. At first they thought to kill him, then decided to sell him into slavery. After having done this, to cover it up, they deceived their father into thinking a wild beast had eaten his favorite son. So it remained for 13 years.

Favoritism can cause deep-seated emotions in children. It can push them to hate the favored one. The parents bear the responsibility in this while the children are young. When they grow older they must learn to deal with their feelings and submit to God’s will, getting rid of all envy, bitterness, and hatred. Do not be a parent that puts this on your child.

David’s Family

David’s family was troubled from the moment he committed adultery with Bathsheba (2 Sam. 11, 12). He allowed his passion run away, sowing the seed of turmoil for years to come.

His son Amnon raped his daughter (Amnon’s half-sister), Tamar (2 Sam. 13:1-18). Do you suppose this was wholly disconnected to David’s transgression? Amnon paid for it with his life two years later (2 Sam. 13:21-29). This hit David hard, as it would any man (2 Sam. 13:30-33).

When Absalom returned from exile he attempted to overthrown his father (2 Sam. 15). David had to run for his life. Later, when David organized a counter attack, Absalom was killed (2 Sam. 18).

Grief, pain, tremendous heartache is what David received for his adultery.

Sin in your family can do the same thing. It can destroy your life, taking your children away from you and destroying their lives. You may survive, but they may not; a terrible burden to bear.

Hannah and Samuel

Hannah longed for a child and was finally blessed with Samuel (1 Sam. 1). She loved him and dedicated him to the Lord (1 Sam. 1:24-28). He was a godly man, going on to be perhaps the greatest judge Israel ever had. He served the Lord faithfully for years; doing great service in spite of the rebellious people (1 Sam. 8). He was privileged to anoint both Saul and David. He did not back down from Saul when he failed to obey God (1 Sam. 13, 15). A man among men; a true prophet of God.

Would to God that all of us had mothers like Hannah and sons like Samuel. Let us determine to dedicate our children to God, raising them in truth and righteousness for their soul’s sake.

Ahaz and Hezekiah

Ahaz was a wicked ruler in Judah (2 Kgs. 16:1-4). His influence lasted for 16 years in the land. Then his son, Hezekiah, took his place. He was a righteous man (2 Kgs. 18:1-7). Hezekiah goes down in Bible history as one of the greatest kings ever. He rid the land of idolatry, put his faith in God when the enemy threatened and when his life was at an end (2 Kgs. 18:17-37; 19:1-19, 35-37; 20:1-6). He overcame his father’s failures.

If we were raised in a home of iniquity, we too can get beyond it. It may be difficult, but we can do all things through Christ (Phil. 4:13). The way to do this is the way Hezekiah did it; putting our faith in God, not man. He will give us the strength to overcome and be a better person.

How Is Your Family?

Is your family more like the bad examples or the good ones? If we determine to do better, we can. Seek the Lord’s wisdom in His Word. It is right and will not lead you wrong. It will help you improve your family to have a more satisfying life.

The Shame of Failing Parents

Sadly, some parents fail to do what God has charged them to do.

Fathers

Fathers fail when they do not lead in the home. When a father’s interest is more focused on himself and worldly pursuits, he has neglected his duty to be a spiritual leader as God would have it.

Overbearing or uncaring fathers are a disgrace. In the name of “I am the authority here” and “discipline” some fathers act as dictators. It is a perversion of God’s will and drives children away from the home and, often, the Lord.

When a man will not provide for his family, he is undermining the home. He is worse than an infidel and does not personally deserve to eat (1 Tim. 5:8; 2 Thes. 3:10). Frequently the children see this and either think that is how it is supposed to be (which is bad) or are bitter toward authority. It stays with them into adulthood.

Mothers

Mothers fail when they try to dominate and control the family. Instead of submitting to God by submitting to her husband’s lead, she puts her foot down (Eph. 5:22-24). Both sons and daughters become confused about God-give roles in marriage and the family. The cycle often continues through more than one generation.

Lazy mothers have a terrible impact on the home. The husband often does not want to come home to a messy house that is cluttered. The children become slobs and a menace to others later in life.

Women who resent the role God has bestowed on them as a mother or homemaker are a shame as well. It is a privilege to be in this position. It is a woman’s sphere of influence and glory (1 Tim. 2:15; Titus 2:3-5). She ought to embrace it, while rejecting society’s perverted standards.

How Is Your Home?

Are you failing as a father or mother? Do you see room for improvement? If we are honest with ourselves, we can all improve.

Spend time in the Word reading and meditating on the responsibilities God has given you. Some great passages to dwell on are Ephesians 5:22-33, 1 Peter 3:1-7, and Psalm 127.

Seek out advice from older Christians who you know have been successful in the home. Also go to those who have made mistakes and ask them what not to do (be careful with this one and make sure they are willing to talk about it). Great wisdom can be gleaned from those who have traveled this path before.

Finally, spend much time in prayer. Ask God’s guidance and wisdom in how to be a better husband or wife or parent. Pray that you will see your faults and have the determination and courage to face and fix them. You can do it with God’s help (Jas. 1:2-5).

Better Parents, Better Children

Training

Parents have an obligation to train their children. The Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). This is not an iron-clad guarantee. It is not set in concrete. The Proverbs are truisms for the most part. They state a general rule or obvious point; profound but simple. Some children stray regardless of the best raising.

If you train your child, though, there is a much greater likelihood that he or she will turn out good. They may stumble and fall along the way, but when they mature and come to realize the truth you taught them, the practical and valuable wisdom you passed on, they will do what’s right. If you do not train them, they will stand little chance. The world will step in and train them for you.

Fathers are especially charged with training their children in the ways of the Lord. “And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). Not only are fathers supposed to raise them to be good, hard working, upstanding citizens, but they are also to instill religious principles in them. Teach your children to respect God. Show them how to pray. Instruct them in Bible study. Etch the truth on their brains.

Discipline

Training a child includes discipline. There is exhortation and instruction on one hand, and rebuke and upbraiding on the other. The Bible endorses neither emotional nor physical abuse. Such is sin. What it does endorse is loving, caring discipline to shape and mold the character of a child.

“The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother” (Prov. 29:15).

“He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Prov. 13:24).

Such training benefits both the child and the parents. The sooner parents begin training, the better. If a child is not brought under control, given boundaries that are enforced, at a very young age–before 2 or 3–it will be very difficult to train them at all.

Parents set down rules from love, though children may not fully understand this. The Lord chastens those He loves, and expects the same from parents (Heb. 12:5-11). No discipline means no love. It will help engender respect for authority that will go beyond the home.

It is worth noting that parents are the ones to judge the time, place, and appropriateness of the discipline. It is not the government’s job, nor the school system. They have no right of interference.

Grandparents, aunts, uncles, older siblings, and others should not be saddled with main responsibility of training the children. Yes, these may on a temporary basis be in charge of the care of a child, but it should not be so too frequently. God gave children to parents, not grandparents. Too many children are being raised by someone other than the parents and it is tragic. It is tragic for the children that their parents are not around. The same is true for the parents.

Proper discipline of a child will produce righteousness. “Blow that hurt cleanse away evil, as do stripes the inner depths of the heart” (Prov. 20:30). “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (Prov. 22:15).

A tender heart and firm hand are what children need. If parents will be the kind of parents they ought to be, children will be the kind of children they ought to be–and we will all benefit.

Better Parents, Better Children Part 1

Better families do not come from society. Television, movies, magazines, and Oprah do not have the answers we need. Families need to turn to the Word of God to improve. It is inspired of God, the One who made the family (2 Tim. 3:16, 17). The Bible has truth for all areas of our life (2 Pet. 1:3).

Parents Need To Teach Their Children

What

They need to teach the Word of God. Moses’ admonition will serve us well. He said,

And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deut. 6:6-9).

We need to constantly teach them the principles of truth and righteousness. The devil does not let up and neither should we. Teach them when doing chores around the house and while driving in the car. Take advantage of opportunities the come up when watching TV or a movie. Instruct them at the mall while shopping or when at the ball field. Do not assume they get the point, make it clear.

Who

Fathers are given the charge to teach their children (Eph. 6:4). If there is a failure in the home on learning the Word, it falls directly on the father’s shoulders. It is his duty and he must fulfill it. Fathers, be a leader.

Mothers, too, can play a role. They will have opportunities the father will not. She needs to give time and attention to instilling biblical values in her children. Mothers need to teach their sons just as Timothy’s mother and grandmother taught him (2 Tim. 1:5; 3:15). Older women are supposed to teach the younger women (Titus 2:3-5). Does this not include mothers teaching daughters?

Why

Our children must be taught so they know the Lord. When they do not know the Lord, their world will be a miserable one where chaos rules (Jud. 2:10). Specifically, the gospel is God’s power unto salvation (Rom. 1:16). If they do not know it, they will not know the love of God and Christ. They will not have the hope of heaven and the fear of hell in their hearts. The very purpose of their existence will elude them (Ecc. 12:13, 14). Their souls will be lost.